Practice What I Preach

In June I attended a training session for TF-CBT, a very effective method for treating children who have experienced trauma. Part of the model includes teaching parenting skills when the children begin to act out, but these skills are also useful for children not responding to trauma. The irony in this story is the timing of the trainng in my life...

Long story short(er), the night before the training, Carter and I got into the ultimate battle of wills. He resisted every method we've used in the past, he laughed at my attempts to discipline his refusal to be obedient, and I found myself getting so angry at him that I could have hurt him...and that confession is so scary and very difficult to make. Determined to "win" the battle and protect my son, I sent Carter to bed and boxed up *every.single.item* in his room that wasn't attached to the wall.

Guess what, in the end, he still won the battle. For the next week or more, Carter never showed disappointment for the loss of any of his toys. He had plenty of fun playing with friends and letting his imagination run wild with whatever item he adopted as a toy.

The irony: had I been practicing what I preach to my clients' parents, this battle of wills would never have happened! I felt so awkward at the training the day after our fight as the instructors reminded me of these basic parenting skills. And I decided it was time to put these skills in place at my home, so I could be more effective with my children and in my work.

I started small with active praising and ignoring while I took a few weeks to pull together a behavior chart that worked for our family. It was only a matter of days once I put it all into place that our home life was so much smoother. We only had to use time-out once the entire week! I told my parents "a miracle has happened at our house this week."

In coming posts, I'll write about the specifics that made the miracle because maybe someone else will find this who needs a little reminder of parenting basics as well.

The picture is if my cute boy, so proud of his tower of cups he made while unloading the dishwasher. He did his own hair, gel and all, and dressed himself...all without a fight.

July 22, 2013